Roller Coasters

Greetings,

So, my wife and I bought season passes to Silverwood, the only amusement park in the region, and we went today for the first time this year.  I always have fun at amusement parks, but I have to confess that I am a complete pansy when it comes to roller coasters these days.  The problem is that I hate falling.  There are two all-wood roller coasters at Silverwood that I make myself ride no matter what, because I know that once I get past the big drop at the beginning, I have a really good time on them (see the pictures).  I realized today, though, that it must be absolutely hilarious to sit next to me on these rides.  Here's how it goes:

I sit in the car and anyone in my immediate vicinity can tell that I'm very nervous.  I breathe in short, rapid breaths, I start to sweat a little bit, and I stare straight forward.  Once my seatbelt is fastened, and the safety bar is lowered I start talking to myself.  I talk to myself through the entire ride, and I'd like to take the opportunity to jot down a description of what that sounds like:

Before the ride starts

"Goddamn it.  F dude.  [breathes a heavy sigh]  Ok.  Ok.  Ok.  Here we go."

Ride starts moving and the ascent to the top of the first big drop starts

"Fuck.  Fuck.  Fuck.  Why the hell am I doing this.  I am thrity-one.  I don't have anything to prove.  Goddamn it.  Fuck.  Fuck.  Fuck.  This sucks.  Fuck...."

Right before the big drop

"Oh fuck, here it comes.  Goddamn it.  Shit.  Oh Fuck."

During the big drop

[Every muscle tenses up.  Knuckles white on the safety bar.  Head down, but eyes open.]  "Fuuuuuuuuuuuuckkkkkkkk.  Goddamn it.  Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.... Whooo Hoooo!!!!!!  Okay, okay, okay.  We're ok.  God I love this ride!!!!"

Remainder of this ride

[mixed with giggling laughter] "Whoooooooooo!!!  Yeah!  Yeah!  Ha Ha!!  This is fucking awesome!!!  Whooooooo!!"

Each time a less significant - but still steep - drop happens throughout the remainder of the ride

"Whooooo Hoooooo!!!  Yeah!!! [drop starts]  "Ohhhh Fuuuuuccckkk!!!   Ok, ok.  Whoooo!"

So, in case you never get to experience the hilarity that is me riding a roller coaster, that is pretty much what its like every time.  I just HATE the feeling of being dropped, but I love the fast turns and all of the other parts of the roller coaster rides.

On another note, Silverwood added a brand new roller coaster this year called the "Aftershock."  My wife, who is a complete roller coaster junkie (huge drops and all), was completely thrown off kilter for the rest of the day today after riding this one.  She said its the worst roller coaster she's ever been on, and she vowed that even so, she will ride it once every trip we make this year to Silverwood.  She will just make it the last ride of the day from now on.  Here is a picture of the new one:

In case you are wondering... There is no way in hell I am EVER getting on that one.

I am the Reverend Humpy and I have approved this message.