A blogger's free-form jam...

Greetings,

I guess I should start today's Sermon off by saying that I have no idea where we are going today. I have absolutely no agenda. I just know I want to write. So let's see where the ghost in the machine takes us today, shall we?

I'm listening to Freedom by George Michael right now. I have always loved this song. My buddy D and I sing this at karaoke all the time. It wasn't until a year or two ago that I found out that this song was George Michael's "coming out" song. When I first realized it, I kind of felt a little weird, because I've been singing this song with D (who has been labeled "41% gay" by another "D" friend of mine who happens to be 100% gay) for YEARS in public. But then, I've been told by several people that I'm one of the most un-gay guys they know - a comment that, I guess, has even more credibility if I can sing Freedom in public with a dude who's been classified "questionable" and still come out as "definitely not gay."

I just realized that that the entire second half of that last paragraph made me sound very homophobic - as though I should be proud that I'm not homosexual. I didn't mean it to sound that way. I'm actually just proud that I don't give off the impression that I'm confused, or trying to cover-up my sexuality. In point of fact, as "un-gay" as I am, I strongly support gay rights. I support love - as long as it is legal and safe (pedophiles do not have my support). I should also point out that, although D is also not homophobic at all, I have it on good authority that he is, at most, 5% gay. I don't really care. I love him either way.

In the time it took me to write those last two paragraphs, Walk Like an Egyptian by The Bengals, and Wild Thing by Tone Loc have played - and now we're on to The Humpty Dance by Digital Underground. I love all of these songs. I have a playlist on my mp3 software called "Party Music" and it's currently set to shuffle. It's a great compilation (if I do say so myself) consisting of everything from Baby Got Back by Sir Mix A Lot to Twist and Shout by the Beatles.

Speaking of the Beatles, I've never really been much of a Beatles fan. Don't get me wrong - I have tremendous amount of respect for their contribution to pop/rock music over the years (and even today) - but I just never liked much of their music. No accounting for taste, I guess. In fact, I can probably count on my fingers the Beatles tunes that I really like. Let's try it:
1.) While My Guitar Gently Weeps (This one really shouldn't count because the main reason I like it is the Eric Clapton guitar part)
2.) Here Comes the Sun (George Harrison definitely had his moments, too)
3.) Come Together (Although, as heretical as it might sound, I kind of like the Aerosmith version better)
4.) Eight Days a Week (Two words: vocal harmonies)
5.) Help (Who doesn't like this one?)
6.) Revolution (Again, George Harrison has his moments. That ICKY lead-guitar tone gets me every time)

I've now spent entirely too long trying to think of a seventh song. Sorry, I'm just not really wild about the Beatles. The Stones, on the other hand...

I saw part of Ferris Bueller's Day Off on Bravo tonight. Great fuckin' movie. One of the little factoids that they showed right before the commercial break said that they were originally considering either Corey Haim or Johnny Depp for the Cameron part. Wow, that would have sucked. Now I like Johnny Depp as much as the rest of 'em, but he just wouldn't have been able to nail the look that Alan Ruck pulled off when he finally opened his eyes, smiled and said "Ferris Bueller, you're my hero."

The great thing about Ferris Bueller is that he's really trying to just enjoy every moment of his life. The line "A person should not believe in an '-ism,' he should believe in himself..." is fantastic. (I know, I know. It's borrowed from John Lennon. Look, asshole, I just said I don't care for the Beatles' music all that much. I didn't say I don't respect them. Fuck off!) Why do we in the modern world (I almost wrote "the west" there, but then realized that even the people in the far east have given in to our fabulous western "progress") obsess over quantifying and categorizing EVERYTHING!? I don't want to be labeled. I don't want to be defined. I just want to be. I don't need a purpose or a meaning for everything. I try very hard to just accept things for what they are. Now that doesn't mean that I'm always content with everything - not by a long shot, in fact, I try not to say things like "Well, I guess it was just meant to be." or "Well, there's a reason for everything." I don't need a reason, and it wasn't "just meant to be," it just is.

Like most people, I'm sure, I actually used to hate this concept. I remember one night, back in my church days, I was rehearsing with the worship team (that's the band, for all of you non-church people) and we were just laboring over this song. We just couldn't get it right to save our lives. There was a big pink elephant in the middle of the room in the form of an acoustic guitar player. It was obvious to everybody (even the fucking singers) that the problem was this guy's extremely amateur playing. We were all getting very frustrated, but nobody wanted to hurt the man's feelings. We started trying to discuss what was wrong with the song when the drummer piped up and said "It SUCKS. That's what's wrong with it." We all kind of sat there in silence for a second, and then the problem guitar player spoke up and said, very matter-of-factly, "Well, sometimes it just sucks." - as if that were the solution to the problem! We ended up picking a different song, but when I got home (I lived with the drummer and the keyboard player at the time) I FUCKING LOST IT. I started ranting and raving - as I am wont to do - about how we were playing music for God, and you don't play something that "just sucks" for God!

Well, experience has taught me that, in fact, sometimes it does just suck - but not in the way that the acoustic guitar player meant it. I think my biggest problem with him saying those words that night was that it seemed like he wanted to just throw Quality out the window. Now, I've capitalized Quality because Quality is my latest understanding of God. This is a blog for another day, but the concept of Quality best fits the concept of God that I feel in my heart. And I think that we should, by all means, pursue Quality for Quality's sake in ALL WE DO. This is why I don't need a purpose. Quality doesn't have to have a personality or anthropomorphic characteristics. It doesn't have to have a "will" or a "plan." It is simply worthy of our effort. For more on Quality, read Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance by Robert M. Pirsig - or stay tuned to this blog. I'm going to write about it very soon.

Sometimes it just sucks. We can't help that. There are things that happen in this universe that we can not control. We cope with them by assigning meaning and purpose to them, but that is all just a futile effort to give the illusion of control and order. The reality is, there probably is no order. There probably is no purpose. But don't despair - it doesn't make the universe any less beautiful or marvelous. The natural landscape of Planet Earth didn't lose any of its breath-taking and awe-inspiring splendor even after we'd come to accept that it doesn't lie at the center of the universe. What I'm trying to say is that it's ok if there's no purpose. Nobody has to go to Hell, or Heaven for that matter. For all we know, what we experience here in this lifetime is all we have. Let's make the most of it. Let's try and find the beauty and wonder in each breath we take.

Ok, I think I've gone on for quite long enough tonight. Let's try to love one another, even when it hurts. And let's see what's next.

I am the Reverend Humpy and I've approved this message.