Greetings.
I don't feel like wasting a lot of time on introductions this time around, so I will just say that there are just a few things that I feel like I have to get off my chest. Here goes.
Letter #1:
Dear America,
Taxes are not evil. Period. Everybody has to pay taxes and they are necessary. Get over it. As an example of the importance of taxes, I present to you the following TRUE scenario:
The state in which I live has recently made the decision to cut funding for mental health services, essentially removing an astonishing number of beds from the state mental hospital just outside of my hometown. Working as a security guard, I end up seeing a lot of these people disrupting business in my stores in certain areas. How are you going to feel about taxes when you have a schizophrenic who should, by all rights, be in inpatient treatment standing on your lawn in a speedo at 2:00AM saying that Jesus is telling him to set fire to your house? If you hadn't bitched to the politicians so much about taxes, I'll bet he'd have a nice warm bed to sleep in (safely away from your yard) and a healthy dose of anti-psychotics to chill him out.
The bottom line is, if you want your government to provide you with services, then shut the hell up about taxes. Every time the right wing tries to rail against high taxes and big government, it's the kind of programs that pay for mental health treatment, and other important government programs that they are talking about eliminating.
Sincerely,
The Reverend Humpy
P.S. Most of us (the middle class) don't even really pay a proportionate amount of taxes. Again, let's just get over it - shall we?
Letter #2:
Dear Conservatives,
Always making sure to mention Barack Obama's middle name, Hussein, in your letters-to-the-editor of the newspaper is not having the effect that you wish it would.
First of all, you are all just being passive-aggressive cowards by not just coming out and saying what you are trying to imply - that Barack Obama is a terrorist because his middle name is Hussein. Wow, it sounds like a pretty stupid argument when you just come right out and say it, doesn't it. Well, I have news for you. It's sounds just as stupid when you try to imply it as well, you ignorant pussies. (Yeah, I said it. What are you going to do, imply that I'm a terrorist, too? Ooohh, I'm scared!!)
Second, most Americans are smart enough to see through your idiocy. Because you are obviously not smart enough to see it, let me break it down for you. Saying (or implying) that Barack Obama is linked to terrorism because of his middle name (which is Hussein, in case I haven't mentioned it yet - you see how I'm not afraid to put it out there?) is exactly as imbecilic as trying to say that because the Republican candidate's last name is McCain he's obviously got ties to the IRA - a well known terrorist organization. It's just a stupid, stupid argument and I (along with, I suspect, a great number of other people) instantly stop paying attention to what you're trying to write as soon as I read it.
So, the next time you get the urge to write a letter-to-the-editor, do us all a favor and just don't.
Sincerely,
The Reverend Humpy
Letter #3:
Dear Gun Rights Activists,
Really? Are you really so caught up in your defence of the second amendment that you are willing to vote against candidates who have great ideas on how to turn our economy around and fix health care, the environment, and our energy crisis just because they might favor adding some more restrictions on firearms?
I am a gun owner and I strongly believe that the second amendment of the constitution absolutely guarantees me the right to own guns. But I also have no problem admitting that nobody needs an AR-15, or an AK-47, or an Uzi, or a silencer, or to load their shotgun with 5 rounds instead of three. I have no problem waiting a few days to buy a gun. I have no problem with getting a special permit to carry a firearm. I have no problem with having to register my firearms. And, until somebody gives me a really well thought out argument as to why I should have a problem with any of those things, I'm not ever going to have a problem with them.
By making this issue, which is really, in the grand scheme of things, not that big of an issue, your #1 concern when picking a candidate, you are really just hurting yourselves and the rest of the country by casting aside all of the other important issues that we are facing as a nation.
Seriously, for now, get over it. Elect the politicians who are going to really put some thought and reason into solving the really big stuff, and then flood their in-boxes with your requests about gun control laws once they're elected. That way, they'll know how you feel when they finally get around to worrying about gun control. It's kind of the way our government works.
Sincerely,
The Reverend Humpy.
That's all I have for now. Sorry that it was all about politics, but for the moment that's all I have to bitch about.
I am the Reverend Humpy and I have approved this message.
3 comments:
#1 - And it's not like the right is going to spend less when they reduce your taxes, they're just gonna borrow from China and spend more than every anyway.
#2 - I can add nothing further.
#3 - This goes for ANY single issue. Single-issue voters tend to make the mistake of believing their candidate when they say they'll do something about that single right. Abortion? Not gonna change. Taxes and spending? Not gonna change. Gun control? Not gonna change. On either side. Hm...I think I just noticed that there are very few single-issue voters on the left...curious.
#4 - No, you didn't have a #4, but Death Magnetic is rocking my socks off in India.
You know, I have been meaning to tell you, I listened to "Death Magnetic" on headphones for the first time the other day, and I do hear the mastering issues you brought up. In my truck, however, I can't really tell. Oh well. The songwriting and musicianship still kick ass. Hope your having fun in India.
Having as much fun as one can have in India. :-)
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